I'm freaking out, really. If I were a nail biter, I'd be viciously gnawing. I sent my first query a week ago, today. I'm already freaking out. I know--I know what you're thinking. At least some rejection is inevitable and everyone knows agents don't move fast, so I should shut up, quit whining, move on and stop freaking out. It isn't just that. It seems like every day there is something new. I don't know I can't explain it. Some rule my book breaks. Some mistake I made in the handful of queries I sent out. Something else you're not supposed to do that I've done. One more problem to add to the list in the face of the unknown.
I really didn't want to blog about this, but I've posted a schedule and feel committed to blog at least three times a week. I can't think. Not about anything else, anyhow. So I have to post this. It's true a lot of the potential problems I've tallied in my mind won't be a problem until much later, and truthfully even then it probably still wouldn't. But part of the problem of having an overactive imagination is that while it may make for interesting phantom fires, I can't turn it off at will. So I find myself freaking out. The logical thing to do is focus on the task at hand, getting an agent. I'm trying to focus; I really am. It just feels so powerless, like I've written the query letter and people like the book. If I could just get someone to read it...
...I feel the tightness in my chest and a total lack of worth as my anxiety has prevented me from accomplishing much of anything today. I've done some reading and I'm loving the book, yet it couldn't consume me. Not today. I ran. But my favorite part of the day has been cutting vegetables, because I got lost in the monotony of the task and until I realized I wasn't thinking about it, I didn't think about a year of my life begging to be looked at by people who for the most part will never see more than the pitch.
Does this happen to you? How do you deal with it? How do you do it?