You can enter my first blogfest here and if you do that I'll give you an entry the contest. Just leave a comment letting me know u want the entry.
AND NOW FOR:
Hosted by Brenda Drake.
I've revised the sentence based on yesterday's comments.
Name: Beth Fred
Title: Phantom Fires
Genre: YA Urban Fantasy
Sentence: "Violent blue and orange flames leaped from the ground swallowing Laurent."
I like it - the only thing I would change is the end. Instead of "swallowing" I use "and swallowed" ... minor? :)
ReplyDeleteGreat hook. I get a brief sense of setting, tension, and a reason to read forward.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great first line Beth! Hope the editing is going well :)
ReplyDeleteI really like this! Very gripping. The only thing I might consider changing, and I don't even know if it's necessary, but violent blue flames I at first read as violet blue. I reread it and figured it out, but something like vicious or ferocious might not trick the eye as much.
ReplyDeleteHey Beth- nice first line. Thanks for the following, and back atcha!
ReplyDeleteWhat happens to Laurent!?
I like this, and I think swallowing is right (but needs a comma right before it). Poor Laurent. I love the immediate action!
ReplyDeleteGreat first line, Beth. It gets straight into the action. It is tighter than the one from yesterday as well and more effective so great job in reworking it.
ReplyDeleteAmazing what a word here or there can do, isn't it?