Friday, April 1, 2011

A is for Anything....

I'm doing the blogfest and A is for anything....

As in anything you want....

Today I want Suzie Townsend to be my agent, so you'll see my pitch for Shelley Watter's contest below. (You can still sign up).

Pitch 1: Bridget & Laurent are fated, but she's charmed by the demon controlling the fire that will devour her love; a secret Laurent knows but won't tell.

Pitch 2: Bridget must rid herself of a charming demon in order to save her boy next door and rekindle their passion.

Pitch 3: If Bridget doesn't rid herself of a demon, the love of her life will be devoured by a mystical fire.
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20 comments:

  1. Kristen JApril 1, 2011 at 2:00 AM

    Nice job! I want to know more about the conflict. Maybe you could work that in somewhere? Less adjectives, more action? I'd be interested to read your story though!

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  2. LoralieApril 1, 2011 at 2:14 AM

    Best of luck to you with both the A to Z challenge and the pitch competition ^_^

    I like the concept you've got here. One small suggestion would be to focus on just one of the conflicts so you can delve just a little more into the consequence.

    Sounds like a great story!

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  3. Kristen JApril 1, 2011 at 2:14 AM

    I like the changes a lot better! :)

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  4. JenniferDuffeyApril 1, 2011 at 2:59 AM

    Anything huh?? Good one. I've read your new pitch and like it better than this one. :)

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  5. Suzi McGowenApril 1, 2011 at 3:21 AM

    Is the story about Bridget or Laurent? Maybe rewrite it with the focus on one of them, and use the other as the ally, like:

    "Bridget & Laurent are fated, but will she choose fate or passion, and will Laurent save her from a bad choice?" (Too long and I don't know the story, but you get the idea.) When I read it now, I think if Laurent loves Bridget, why keep a secret that would harm Bridget?

    Or maybe focus on "unlikely love triangle" aspect?

    Sorry I'm not more help here.

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  6. CatherineStineApril 1, 2011 at 4:14 AM

    Yes, I hear Suzie is great!
    And good luck in that contest.

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  7. Brandileigh2003(Blkosiner'sBookBlog)April 1, 2011 at 5:57 AM

    I like the revised pitch

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  8. Scott SpringerApril 1, 2011 at 6:29 AM

    It's kind of vague. I don't get it exactly. two people, fated, charmed by demon, devour her love, secret
    what does it mean to devour her love? eat her boyfriend? steal her soul?
    why's it such a secret?
    And the biggie,
    what happens if she tells?
    just wondering
    lots of intrigue, but maybe too much. conflict is the demon, but what is at stake? what is the quest?
    Sounds like a fun story, though. Good luck and best wishes.

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  9. Susan OloierApril 1, 2011 at 6:57 AM

    Okay, I was going to comment on the pitch. But when I went back to it, I noticed your revised pitch. It is way better than the first! So now I have nothing to add. I am interested in reading more and getting to know who your characters are and how the MC finds her way out of the conflict.

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  10. Maryanne FantalisApril 1, 2011 at 7:24 AM

    The pitch actually needs more work than the revised pitch. I didn't get the pitch really, but the revised pitch makes sense. However, I agree with some of the above commenters and I'd like to know more about the conflict: what is at stake? why does their passion need rekindling? I know this is really hard, believe me!

    Thanks for your comment on my pitch. Hope this helps.

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  11. douglas esperApril 1, 2011 at 11:34 AM

    pitch 2 seems to peak my interest though you might want to word it "save the boy" rather than "save her boy". good work keep at it!
    douglas esper

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  12. Teralyn PilgrimApril 1, 2011 at 12:22 PM

    I like the third, except I want to know more about the demon. Also, you can connect the demon with the fire, since they seem seperate:

    If Bridget doesn’t rid herself of the demon that haunts her (or whatever), he will devour the love of her life with a mystical fire.

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  13. Ruth HansenApril 1, 2011 at 2:44 PM

    I like number 2 best. Nice work!

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  14. J E FritzApril 1, 2011 at 3:00 PM

    I definitely like the first one the best. I don't think the last phrase is needed, and I think "the fire consuming her heart" might work better.

    Well, it's just a suggestion. I like the story--well, I've said that before but I still like it. It's very intriguing.

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  15. Elizabeth BriggsApril 1, 2011 at 5:03 PM

    I think you have good elements in each one, so I tried to combine all three... although I'm not sure this is exactly the plot, but maybe it will give you some ideas:
    "Bridget must choose between the boy next door she's always loved and the charming demon who threatens to devour her in mystical fire."

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  16. Shelley WattersApril 1, 2011 at 5:14 PM

    I like pitch 3 best. But I wonder about the mystical fire? Is it the charming demon that is going to kill the boy next door? Also - I'd add charming demon back, it shows more of the love triangle aspect.

    Good luck!
    Shelley

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  17. SharonK.MayhewApril 2, 2011 at 7:45 AM

    I like pitch three the best, Beth. Good luck winning Susie. I think she's pretty awesome too!

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  18. IsabelleSeptember 17, 2011 at 1:56 PM

    None can doubt the vcreaity of this article.

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  19. CoralieSeptember 17, 2011 at 2:53 PM

    That saves me. Thanks for being so senslbie!

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  20. AlexavierSeptember 17, 2011 at 3:46 PM

    God help me, I put aside a whole afternoon to fgiure this out.

    ReplyDelete

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