The A-Z blogfest is hosted by Arlee Bird at Tossing It Out. I'm taking a break from my theme of promoting book bloggers to vent today. If you're not into venting skip this post. If you're into venting read on.
Wow. Just wow.
I'M SO ANNOYED WITH THE PARENTS IN YA I THINK I'M GOING TO SCREAM!!!! I'm serious. If I read one more YA novel where the MC apologizes to his/her parents for stating the obvious/telling the truth I will scream. I'll consider stepping out to the patio to do it so it's not too annoying for Emil & the ELF, but I will scream! Look, if the truth hurts, the only person who can change it is you. If your eighteen year old daughter says you don't love her because you hired a circus complete with wait staff for your new wife's six year old's birthday but sent her a pair of jeans that you couldn't even be bothered to pick out under the guise "New wife & I are a team! Rah-Rah Rah," she's right. And when new wife says, "You need to get out," and you support this insanity it affirms the message. Daughter does not owe you an apology. Daughter stated the truth. It might be an ugly truth. It's the truth. Be a parent. Deal with it. Likewise, when your eighteen year old daughter says in a therapy session your new wife is a self-centered homewrecker since she was hired to babysit for her mentally ill mother and married her husband instead--it's also true. She does not owe new wife an apology. If new wife doesn't want to be told she had an affair with a married man, new wife should not have had an affair with a married man.
The thing that annoys me most is that this didn't happen in the same book. It seems to be a theme of the current wave of YA that you aren't supposed to tell your parents they're hurting you. Here's the thing: when you decide to bring a life into the world, your decisions often irrevocably affect someone else's life. That effect can only be positive if you're making good decisions. Not just good for you but also good for that life you chose to bring into the world. If you can't deal with this, you should probably consider before bringing a life into the world. Duh! I get as a society we've moved away from the notion that our child's needs and happiness are more important than our own. I don't like it, but I get it. What makes me sad is that we seem to be moving toward a notion that our child's happiness and needs aren't even as important as our own, not even close. And if that's not bad enough, we're reducing it to words in books meant for them. We are sending a very bad message.
Most of the YA books I read have absentee parents, so I don't see much of this. You have me wondering what books you've been reading. I do get annoyed when I read a book and something about it irks me and then I read a few others that irk me in the same way. Very overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteI think it's more present in YA contemp. Because the focus is on relationships one of the issues is usually problems with parents. I almost think authors feel they're showing maturity by doing this, but it's not coming out right. The books in this post were Pushing The Limits and Nantucket Blue--both good books aside from this. And it's popping up everywhere. These were just extreme cases.
DeleteI totally agree with the honesty and standing-up-for-yourself thing. Teens should do that with no apologies. Other things tick me off, too. Too many parents are dead (usually in a car crash) in spec-fic novels. The mc always seems to be an orphan. Or, if the parents/guardian are there but are the selfish non-present kind, people say, "Why is the teen wandering around with no supervision?" As if this doesn't happen in real life.
ReplyDeleteTake a deep breath, Beth, and just write better novels than the ones that annoy you.
Now you've made me nervous because I just wrote a series with a couple of dead parents! And a couple of self-centered ones.
DeleteI too agree that teens should be able to speak the truth without having to apologize for their feelings, but there are ways you can say things without being deliberately hurtful. I haven't read the books so I don't know if that applies here, but I think anyone (teen or not) must monitor HOW they say things.
ReplyDeleteIt probably applies to the second book, but adults have a hard time monitoring when they're emotional. I think it's unrealistic to expect a teen too. I don't think it applies to the first book at all. Therapy sessions are about being blatantly honest and she was being probed. And she wasn't allowed to express her feelings outside of therapy, so being forced to apologize for them in therapy was really destructive (at least, in my opinion).
DeleteI'm all for honesty in parent/child relationships. Hiding things, keeping secrets, etc. never works out for anybody in the end.
ReplyDeleteI agree. It really just makes things worse. Becuase if I'm upset with you and Im not supposed to tell you about it, I just won't talk to you.
DeleteYes, yes, yes, yes, and hallelujah, AMEN!!! Take some responsibility people. If you don't want to be called out about something ... THEN DON'T FREAKIN DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Sorry, but this is one of my pet peeves.
ReplyDeleteThank you!!
DeleteI think this is one of the reasons I don't read much contemporary. I yet to come across one where I thought the parent/child relationship was done well. Not as in "they have a perfect relationship". I wish more reflected the honest flaws that any character would have and then dealt with them in a healthy way.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to reflect an honest relationship, because you need the parents out of the way. But I think what we're seeing right now is basically the kid being the parent and I'm tired of that.
DeleteI loved Pushing the Limits, but not that aspect of it. I like it when the parents in the story grow or are a part of the MC's growth instead of a dart board for a bunch of gripes. Will Grayson Will Grayson has wonderful parent/kid relationships. I also loved the parental development in Guitar Notes. The kids were fed up with their parents but they didn't go on some long speech. The guy refers to his mom as Termite (in his head). They might be a breath of fresh air.
ReplyDeleteMmm. Interesting, Beth. I haven't read the mentioned books but I'm thinking of the relationships in my books containing parents. The teens don't apologize to their parents. In fact, they sometimes openly disagree. I think the parents in my stories learn along with their kids. Will have to think some more on this. :) Great post.
ReplyDeletePreach it, sister. I agree 100% with you. People seem to become more and more self-centered every day, but this seems way out of line.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, this sounds suspiciously like a preachy author to me. Which I revile. But if the author wants to preach, maybe he/she should just stand on the right side of the story.
DeleteHaven't read these apologetic teen books, so can't say much except I don't ever remember apologizing for anything I did as a teen. I was always 100% right back then.
ReplyDeleteI like to read YA, however, I haven't read anything like what you've mentioned. Sorry...
ReplyDelete