Tuesday, February 8, 2011

First Line Contest Day 2

Like yesterday, you can win a $25 visa gift card or book of your choice here.

You can enter my first blogfest here and if you do that I'll give you an entry the contest. Just leave a comment letting me know u want the entry.

Hosted by Brenda Drake.
I've revised the sentence based on yesterday's comments.

Name: Beth Fred
Title: Phantom Fires
Genre: YA Urban Fantasy
Sentence: "Violent blue and orange flames leaped from the ground swallowing Laurent."


  1. I like it - the only thing I would change is the end. Instead of "swallowing" I use "and swallowed" ... minor? :)

  2. Great hook. I get a brief sense of setting, tension, and a reason to read forward.

  3. That's a great first line Beth! Hope the editing is going well :)

  4. I really like this! Very gripping. The only thing I might consider changing, and I don't even know if it's necessary, but violent blue flames I at first read as violet blue. I reread it and figured it out, but something like vicious or ferocious might not trick the eye as much.

  5. Hey Beth- nice first line. Thanks for the following, and back atcha!

    What happens to Laurent!?

  6. I like this, and I think swallowing is right (but needs a comma right before it). Poor Laurent. I love the immediate action!

  7. Great first line, Beth. It gets straight into the action. It is tighter than the one from yesterday as well and more effective so great job in reworking it.
    Amazing what a word here or there can do, isn't it?